How Healthy Boundaries Brought Us Closer Together

A few years ago David and I were experiencing conflict when something he said stopped me dead in my tracks…

And, it completely changed the trajectory of our relationship. 

At the time, I was highly avoidant and would pretend like nothing was ever bothering me. When really, you could see it all over my face and in my body language that there was indeed something bothering me.

I can’t recall exactly what the conflict was about, but I’m sure it had to do with me taking something personally which resulted in hurt feelings, and then me quickly sulking and withdrawing. David initiated conversation a few times and I kept responding to him with the cold shoulder and “I’m fine’s.”

At one point I went into the bedroom and closed the door to further commiserate in my personal pity party. It felt like a game of ‘Outlast the Outlasting’ -- “How long will it take for him to come talk to me again?”

The Paige I was then wanted him to chase me, fix, grovel, apologize, and beg for me…

But at the same time, when he did attempt to re-connect with me… I pushed him away. Because they were not the attempts my wounding wanted.

Do you see how confusing that is? A constant push and pull. Come close, but stay away.

David would later knock on the door to speak his final piece, “Paige, I love you. And, I’m not going to pull this out of you. I am not responsible for you sharing your feelings. I’m here to listen when you’re ready to talk.” He turned around and left the bedroom.

Ouch.

And, wow.

David was right. I applaud his boundary to hold true to himself while also holding space and kindness for me to step up and take responsibility for myself and my truthful expression. It was in that moment I realized, no one is going to speak for me. No one is going to chase me. No one is going to capitulate to accommodate my wounding anymore…

I had a choice. I could either remain in my wounding and risk the health of my relationship with David, or I could step up and take responsibility and harmonize my inner healing with his.

I chose the later and I continue to do so each day. His boundary didn't push me away; Instead, it drew us closer ❤

David and I share more stories like this inside our brand new “Healing with Healthy Boundaries” Course (launched last week!). Inside you'll find our most requested teachings on the complexities and intricacies of establishing boundaries in relationships, while also gaining language tools to help support your communication with your partner, your friends, your parents, and other complex dynamics so that your relationships feel OPEN, LOVING, CONNECTING, and KIND.

Click Here to Access “Healing with Healthy Boundaries” Course

Wishing you a wonderful weekend.

David & Paige Lea